Something I saw this weekend was that for me, it’s never enough. No matter how much I work out, no matter how good my diet is, it’s never enough. I have the “perfect” week where my diet is good, and I get to the gym 4 or 5 times, and for a second I feel good about myself. Then the next week I have some ice cream, or go to the gym two times, and I feel like a failure. At some point in my life I decided that I was a failure, and then what happens is I’m just waiting to fail. What I saw is actually how good I’ve been doing with my diet and fitness the last 2 years. I have gone to the gym pretty consistently, at a minimum of twice a week for quite some time now, and it shows. Sure, I’d still like to lose those 10lbs. But I haven’t failed if I don’t. I take whatever actions I can take today. My weight is good. My muscle tone is good. My diet is pretty healthy. I went from smoking 10 cigarettes a day to 2 or 3. I’m willing to give up that I really “need” those 2 or 3 cigarettes. I may crave them, but I certainly don’t need them. And I’m willing to accept that I’m perfect, whole and complete exactly as I am today. I love my body the way it is, and the way it isn’t.

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7:00 8 oz coffee

8:30 Blueberry Green Smoothie

1 cup blueberries, 1 cup strawberries, 2 cups mixed greens, 1 tbsp ground flax, 1 scoop greens powder;

9:30 Peppermint Tea, yerba mate tea

12:00: Plate of mixed greens with 1 whole beefsteak tomato

Can of trader joe’s organic black bean soup with 1/3 cup barley mixed in (couldn’t finish)

5 large strawberries

Salad: Mixed greens and tomato
Broccoli, Mango, Black Bean Stir-Fry

Bag of M&M’s

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My leftovers from last night smelled awful when I took them out of the fridge this morning. (To be fair, they really just smelled like broccoli). I don’t like broccoli to begin with, and couldn’t stomach the thought of eating this dish for a second day. I decided to throw it in the Vitamix, dress it up a little, and if it was still unappetizing I would just toss it.

The end result was AMAZING. I will make this again, broccoli and all. In the end, I couldn’t taste the broccoli – just the chile, mango, cilantro, and garlic.

Hot & Sweet Soup

(Broccoli base without the broccoli taste!)

The original stir-fry Recipe:
1 bag frozen broccoli
1/3 cup black bean & salsa puree*
1 cup frozen mango
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 cup stock
salt to taste

*1 can of black beans and some salsa in a food processor.
Directions:

Throw it all in a pan or pot and cook til it’s hot.

Next day soup:
Leftover stir-fry (there was about 3 cups of food leftover)
Garlic, 1 clove, raw
1/2 lemon, peeled
Cilantro, about 1/4 cup loosely packed
Additional 1/3 cup black bean puree
About 1/2 cup water to loosen it up, maybe more.

Some notes on the original stir-fry dish:
I ate a full plate of it, but had a hard time getting it down. I was super full, felt completely bloated, and had gas pains immediately following.  If you like broccoli, or add the additional ingredients I threw in the soup it probably wouldn’t be terrible.

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Blueberry Green Smoothie

1 cup blueberries, 3 strawberries, 2 cups mixed greens, 1 tbsp ground flax, 1 scoop greens powder;
1 cantaloupe

Lunch
Salad, heirloom tomatoes
Okra / Tomato / Kidney Bean / Barley stew
strawberry fruit salad

Dinner
Baby Bella mushrooms (1 package) cooked in chicken stock with 1/3 cup barley

Dessert:
2 cups frozen strawberries with 1 scoop Barlean’s chocolate greens (hell ya!)

1 tbsp Barlean’s Berry flavored Flax Oil

Workout: New Rules of Lifting for Women, Stage 1 workout 8b

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I’ve been doing eDiets with varying rigor and little success. This program sounds promising, and I like that it’s mostly plant based. The quantity of meat and dairy I’m currently consuming is uncomfortable for me, mostly because I know it’s not healthy.

I made a trial Eat to Live meal tonight, and the quantity of food is almost overwhelming. You definitely get a nutritional bang for the buck.

A huge skillet of okra, tomatoes and kidney beans would give me my daily serving of beans and cooked vegetables. This is definitely enough food (by volume) for 2 meals, but calorically, it could really be one. I can see how eating enough becomes a challenge on this diet.

The statistics for this meal are startling and impressive.

About 5 cups of food comes in at 445 calories

23.5 grams protein

31 grams fiber

I find that nothing short of amazing!

My current weight is 133lbs. My BMI is 22 (what does that even mean?). I’ve been trying to get down to 124, which I know is a good weight for me. According to Fuhrman’s height / weight calculations¹, I could go down to 115. He uses a different formula than the one you’ll see everywhere else. According to him, a woman starts at 95lbs for 5 ft, then 4 pounds for every inch over 5 feet. It’s certainly much lighter then the current U.S. height / weight charts, and would be very thin for me, but not out of the realm of possibility.

1. Eat to Live; Joel Fuhrman M.D.; 2003, Little, Brown and Company; page 22

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Today: Got to the gym at 6:40am and did a quick focused weight workout, followed by an hour of yoga

Day 9: Wasn’t feeling too good, and only completed half my weight workout

Days 10 & 11: Traveled up and back to NY for training, which meant getting up at 5:30am, and getting home at 8:00pm. I did pushups each day as my workout. It wasn’t crazy or intense, but was enough that I still felt engaged in the 30 day challenge.

Day 12: Morning yoga at the Sporting Club. Ahhhh. It felt really good and helped recuperate from sitting on my butt for 15 straight hours the past 2 days.

Day 13: Soooo sleepy. Really just unmotivated Sunday. I did 15 minutes of yoga at home in front of the TV. No, it wasn’t a yoga show I was watching. I just did a few sun salutations while Jim slept on the sofa next to me, watching a movie.

Day 14: More pushups. I got to work early to catch up on what I missed last week, and to prepare for sprint review – which meant no morning workout. I ended up doing pushups again at home! Oh no, where has my commitment to the challenge gone? Luckily, last night was Refresh Philly, and I had an opportunity to plug the eCity Running Club, along with my wellness challenge companion, Phil Thomas.

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The one issue I’m finding with all this daily exercise is that my appetite seems to be outpacing my workouts. I find I need to eat before I workout, and by the time I’m done I’m completely ravenous. I’ve gained 2lbs in the last week. It’s not horrible, and can come off just as fast as it went on, but I’m concerned that this will be a trend. I would love to know how other people manage their appetites when they are beginning a new workout routine.

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I’ve discovered the secret to dieting without letting it take a toll on my self-esteem and emotional well-being. Anytime the word “should” enters my thoughts, it’s because I have some ideal that I’m not living up to. This is not earth shattering news. The question then becomes, how do I not let those “shoulds” rule me? How do I create a vision for myself and what I want to be, without it centering on what I think it should be? It almost seems impossible.

But it’s not.

If I dig deeper, there are principles and values under those standards. There exists beautiful and complete guiding themes that create those ideals.

I took some time and considered this -
“What standards and ideals do I have around diet?” (these are the shoulds and shouldn’t)

I shouldn’t eat sugar
I shouldn’t eat white flour
I shouldn’t eat too many carbs
I shouldn’t eat too much dairy
I should eat more raw fruits and vegetables
I should eat less
I shouldn’t eat after 7:00

What principles and values do I have around diet? (These are things that have intrinsic value)

Nourishment
Nutrition
Life
Vitality
Energy
Togetherness / Connectedness
Community
Family
Longevity
Relaxation
Comfort
Tradition
Being Present

What I’m learning is that when I look at my diet from a place of standards and ideals I can never experience myself as whole and complete. When I view my diet from my principles and values I can experience myself as whole and complete. The standards and ideals I’ve set are vague and restrictive. I can experience no freedom or sense of empowerment while living in that.

The challenge I’m setting for myself this week is to view my diet from my principles and values, and observe the impact this has on myself.

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One arm rows: 16 x 20lbs, 15 x 20lbs
Pushups: 12, 10

dumbbell shoulder press: 15 x 12.5lbs (felt light), 12 x 15lbs (felt a little heavy but manageable)
one leg db calf raise: 15 x 20lbs, 15 x 20lbs

dumbbell curls:14 x 15lbs, 15 x 15lbs
overhead tricep extension: 15 x 15lbs, 10 x 15lbs

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The first 2 days were relatively easy, since it was the weekend and I was home. I expect today to be a little more challenging since I’m at work.

Yesterday’s Food

Large Fruit Salad for Two: 2 grapefruits, 1 banana, 1 orange, 1 cup pineapple, 1 cup cantaloupe, 1 tbsp agave necter, 2 tsp lecithin granules

Cabbage & Spinach salad with thai dressing

Raw Treats

Strawberry Sorbet

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