Something I saw this weekend was that for me, it’s never enough. No matter how much I work out, no matter how good my diet is, it’s never enough. I have the “perfect” week where my diet is good, and I get to the gym 4 or 5 times, and for a second I feel good about myself. Then the next week I have some ice cream, or go to the gym two times, and I feel like a failure. At some point in my life I decided that I was a failure, and then what happens is I’m just waiting to fail. What I saw is actually how good I’ve been doing with my diet and fitness the last 2 years. I have gone to the gym pretty consistently, at a minimum of twice a week for quite some time now, and it shows. Sure, I’d still like to lose those 10lbs. But I haven’t failed if I don’t. I take whatever actions I can take today. My weight is good. My muscle tone is good. My diet is pretty healthy. I went from smoking 10 cigarettes a day to 2 or 3. I’m willing to give up that I really “need” those 2 or 3 cigarettes. I may crave them, but I certainly don’t need them. And I’m willing to accept that I’m perfect, whole and complete exactly as I am today. I love my body the way it is, and the way it isn’t.

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What an incredible week. That 20 minute weight workout was a real departure from the past for a couple reasons -

1.) I didn’t have the “right” attire. I left my sneakers at home, so I just worked out in my flip-flops. Guess what? I still got a good workout!

2.) It was completely spontaneous. The yoga instructor yesterday was a no-show. It didn’t bug me that I got up for the 7:00am class and they didn’t show up. I would be there anyway. It just threw off my workout. I had a nice breakfast date instead with my SO. By late afternoon it was nagging at me that I hadn’t worked out, and had no plans to. QA needed another build and I had to hang out to verify it, so I decided the time would be best spent at the gym.

Here’s the 20 minute workout:

Dumbbell Squats: 15 x 20lb (2 sets)
Lunges: 12 x 12lb (2 sets)

Glute Machine: 15 x 50lb
Leg Extension: 15 x 50lb

Upright Row on cable machine: 15 at setting 6
Tricep Pressdown: 15 at setting 5

I ended the night having dinner at Zorba’s with 2 dear friends, followed by a phone call catching up with my brother and his wife.

This weekend 2 members of my family are reuniting after not speaking or seeing each for 5 or 6 years. I can’t believe it! I’m so happy to be a part of it.

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Today: Got to the gym at 6:40am and did a quick focused weight workout, followed by an hour of yoga

Day 9: Wasn’t feeling too good, and only completed half my weight workout

Days 10 & 11: Traveled up and back to NY for training, which meant getting up at 5:30am, and getting home at 8:00pm. I did pushups each day as my workout. It wasn’t crazy or intense, but was enough that I still felt engaged in the 30 day challenge.

Day 12: Morning yoga at the Sporting Club. Ahhhh. It felt really good and helped recuperate from sitting on my butt for 15 straight hours the past 2 days.

Day 13: Soooo sleepy. Really just unmotivated Sunday. I did 15 minutes of yoga at home in front of the TV. No, it wasn’t a yoga show I was watching. I just did a few sun salutations while Jim slept on the sofa next to me, watching a movie.

Day 14: More pushups. I got to work early to catch up on what I missed last week, and to prepare for sprint review – which meant no morning workout. I ended up doing pushups again at home! Oh no, where has my commitment to the challenge gone? Luckily, last night was Refresh Philly, and I had an opportunity to plug the eCity Running Club, along with my wellness challenge companion, Phil Thomas.

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Most of my experience with yoga has been power yoga, and this is one of the first classes I’ve taken where it’s gentle, stretching yoga. I’m a little conflicted about it. I’m doing this 30 day challenge, but coming to terms with not having to kill myself every workout. The last 2 days of yoga have been really nice, and were much needed. I also found myself much more aware of my posture as I went about my business today. So it leaves me asking, what is this challenge really about for me? Just showing up is a huge part of it. I was really careful in stating that the challenge is about GOING to the gym every day. What I do when I get there is totally up in the air. It’s about making this an integral part of my life. Like walking or breathing, I just do it without thinking. There is no justification or rationalization. I just go.

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7/18 Sunday: Ran at Valley Green – 5 miles
7/20 Tuesday: Ran with eCity Run Club – 2.75 miles
7/21 Wednesday: Ran on Treadmill – 3.1 miles

7/22 Thursday:
Giant sets – each group of exercises performed without rest. 90 second rest between Giant set 1 and Giant set 2
4 sets of 8-10 reps

Giant Set 1
Squats: 30lbs x 10 reps
Lunges: 17.5lbs x 8 reps
Upright Row: 30lbs x 10 reps

Giant Set 2
Ballet Squats 16kg x 10
Deadlifts: 8kg x 10
Kettlebell Overhead Press: 8kg x 8

7/23 Friday
Giant Set 1
Wide stance squats: 25lbs x 8
Lunges: 15lbs x 8
2 arm bent over row: 25lbs x 10
Dumbbell Flys: 15lbs x 10

Giant Set 2
Bent over Lateral Raise: 12.5lb x 10
2 Leg Calf Raise: 50lbs x 13
Hammer Curl: 20lb x 10
Lying Tricep Extension: 25lbs x 20

Total Running Mileage: 10.85 miles

Total Reps: 468

Yoga: 1 hour

Miles Biked: 24

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It’s gotten worse lately. I hit on a solution that seems to be working. I got together with a couple friends and proposed a 30 day wellness challenge. The details are personal to each of us, and my particular challenge is to go to the gym 30 consecutive days. We have a phone call each morning on a free conference line where we call in and declare what we will do that do in the world of health. So far, so good. I’ve been to the gym every day for the past 4 days. I’m really excited about it.

I think this is more than just holding each other accountable. It’s creating something from nothing, then living into that. It’s giving me a chance to be someone I’ve never been. A person that goes to the gym every day.

The Workouts

Day 1: Ran 2.75 miles with the eCity Interactive Running Club. Went to the gym, sat in the steam room, and showered

Day 2: Ran 3.1 miles on the treadmill

Day 3: Lifted weights (see the Body Sculpting Bible for Women)

Day 4: Lifted weights

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I’ve discovered the secret to dieting without letting it take a toll on my self-esteem and emotional well-being. Anytime the word “should” enters my thoughts, it’s because I have some ideal that I’m not living up to. This is not earth shattering news. The question then becomes, how do I not let those “shoulds” rule me? How do I create a vision for myself and what I want to be, without it centering on what I think it should be? It almost seems impossible.

But it’s not.

If I dig deeper, there are principles and values under those standards. There exists beautiful and complete guiding themes that create those ideals.

I took some time and considered this -
“What standards and ideals do I have around diet?” (these are the shoulds and shouldn’t)

I shouldn’t eat sugar
I shouldn’t eat white flour
I shouldn’t eat too many carbs
I shouldn’t eat too much dairy
I should eat more raw fruits and vegetables
I should eat less
I shouldn’t eat after 7:00

What principles and values do I have around diet? (These are things that have intrinsic value)

Nourishment
Nutrition
Life
Vitality
Energy
Togetherness / Connectedness
Community
Family
Longevity
Relaxation
Comfort
Tradition
Being Present

What I’m learning is that when I look at my diet from a place of standards and ideals I can never experience myself as whole and complete. When I view my diet from my principles and values I can experience myself as whole and complete. The standards and ideals I’ve set are vague and restrictive. I can experience no freedom or sense of empowerment while living in that.

The challenge I’m setting for myself this week is to view my diet from my principles and values, and observe the impact this has on myself.

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These are questions I’ve asked myself everyday this week. Am I living a life that I find inspiring? To answer honestly – no. I’m not. And that’s ridiculous. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be. BEING a person that exercises inspires me, and seeing other people do it is inspiring to me. NOT doing those things does more to me than just not take me closer to fitness – it creates a mindset that I CAN’T do those things. And then it stops feeling like a choice.

So what did I do this week? I ran on Sunday. A nice long run too. And Wednesday I walked on the treadmill and weight lifted. And tonight I will run and lift. And tomorrow I will run and lift. So at least I can create a strong finish for the week. A strong finish that leaves me feeling inspired, and one step closer to my fitness goals.

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HAVE -> DO -> BE : This is backwards – but the norm!

The typical pattern – for myself and I believe others – is HAVE something (weight watchers, gym membership, new running shoes) BEFORE we can Do Something (go on a diet, exercise, lose weight), and then we will Be Something (slimmer, fitter, faster). And how does this usually work out? Well, not so good. After all, I have the weight watchers membership, the home gym, and the running club. And where has this gotten me? Honestly, not too much closer to where I want to be. And that is a really honest answer. I’ve been “on” weight watchers for 4 weeks. But that’s a big joke. I’ve tracked my points for about 4 days total. And that is the key to the weight watchers program.

So I’m caught in the trap. But I have the ability to free myself from the trap right now, in this moment. I can declare that I am fit and healthy. But that doesn’t make it so, does it? No, it doesn’t. HOWEVER – and this is very important – it will never happen unless I first declare it.  I will never be fit and healthy unless I declare that I am fit and healthy. And once I declare it, then I can do it, and then I will have it. And then I enroll others in my being fit and healthy.

So how am I enrolling others in my being fit and healthy? By tracking my diet and doing weight watchers. By joining Philly Runners, and doing the running. By waking up early and doing the strength training and sharing that with others. If it’s not shared, it doesn’t matter.

So here lies the answer:

BE: Declare what I AM.

DO: Take the action of what I am.

Have: The results of my actions

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